26 days after the Milo Marathon last Dec 12, 2010 saddened me. I thought that i will be strong after finishing my first full marathon last QCIM2 but i was wrong. My mileage started fading away after my 21K race 4 weeks ago. A very painful injury that crippled me for weeks up until this very moment. Iliotibial Band Syndrome, a grimacing type of injury that will require the best of what a runner can get, a nightmare, a black hole for me. For the past weeks i tried to hinder the pain that stings all the way up!
It seems to me that Milo Marathon is my official jinx when it comes to running, last time i checked, i was in my adolescent stage running the 10K category sometime July of 2010. I was a total douche bag, over training myself, not knowing how to rest before race day. It got the best out of me. Limping after hitting a good PR but suffered the wrath of a shin splints injury, bed ridden for 6 weeks, accumulating pounds and increased my weight a bit. Vengeance was great, following the doctor’s advice and a few months conquering my first Half-marathon in CamSur.
After Dec 27, Rizal Day Run, a race organized the premiere runner Sir Jovie Narcise, I was able to convince my self that resting for 14 days isn’t enough to heal the wounded tissue. Unable to continue with my usual pace and almost reaching the DNF zone mentally. I started walking the 20th Kilometer mark which was a bit diappointing and at the same time painful. I was like dragging my right leg every step while the sun is on rage. It was a blessing that inside Camp Aguinaldo there were portions of shed from the trees.
I finished the race at 4 hours 38 mins. A devastating fact that i tried to push myself despite the lurking pain that waits. It was also a good thing I did the impossible. it’s like watching the running videos from Youtube of people getting injured and finishing the race despite of the load. I managed to do the same thing. I will give the liberty of those who throws stones at me because it was my fault. It helps me grow and mature as a runner.
Thanks to Baldrunner for making me not curse this race hence just making a promise to get my hands on the 3rd Rizal Day Run next time we set the pedal to the metal inside Camp Aguinaldo.. ARYA!
(again my apologies to the grammar nazis)
a great man once said, “In war there is no runner up”. I’ve read this inset while playing Call of Duty 2. The final piece of the puzzle i need to surrender what I’ve fought for the past 30 months of my resurrecting battle for emotional supremacy. The say, if its worth fighting for you have to fight hard and give it all you’ve got. I did, i followed the rules, textbook style, hovered and kept my silence. When the dust settled for merely the longest war time of my heart, I was ready to pounce and relinquish what is supposed to be my resolve. But i was wrong, the war ended but i didn’t claim the victory. My long wait ended but was interrupted by a name she used to whisper in my ear. What was just like a short story became the biggest threat that made me realize a dejavu waiting to spur. Thus welcoming the true despair of a man who followed the rules, gave it all, bled & breathe has taken its toll. Is it? Cupid has been so ungenerous to the author, shooting his arrow to a different direction. Her being quite with just a snap of a finger made me the most teary eyed entity in this war called love.
what I longed for in years vanished with a blink of an eye. A lot of women dubbed the man as a womanizer, now i say this. How can a man be judged to be a bed sheet changer when he can only love a woman with all his heart, soul and fail in the end. No one will agree. I am tainted just like my heartbeat, almost going flat line..
should i blame myself for following the rule book? or am i just a victim? Accidentally, her name sounded like my ex-wife’s but in tagalog. Have I not learned my lesson? Is it really that of an obstacle trying to master the art of the hearts? should i fall into ashes? should i give up? is there hope for this despair to end? will i ever get what i want in my life?
just like what the 4th espada said to young inoue …“What is this “heart”? If I tear open that chest of yours, will I see it there? If I smash open that skull of yours, will I see it there?”
Even if i rise up a thousand times, there will be no victory for me? or for us to be together? =(
Taunted instincts… lowered expectations… spitful ashes of sticks..none i could tell…the smell of cinnamon after the blissful green juice…totally auss’m now ticking like a time bomb.. clocks ticking & an ounce of grieve i let the wind carry the loss til it dissolves..History repeats itself, lightning does strike multiple times, at me? yeah i think so.. My coloring book life is now reaching its full potential, wow i can bare feel the movement for this one dry, withering and oddest Monday of the author’s saga towards discovering the eternity of that feeling, the feeling of distortin, triple jet black insomnia.. classic.. one again he clawed his way towards an attempt to ponder that odd feeling that makes this world.. Stupid? They are stupid? non of their business.. people always have the damn time meddling with other people Goddamn business.. I asked you.. Just beacuse you have a boring life and an undefined sexuality makes you fiddle your thumb and them bleeting throats.. I aint famous.. i aint trying to grab one.. The author is an asshole.. damn right atleast i know what i want in life than screwing them former bffs.. they have a miserable life than me.. confused sexuality that couldnt even define “it’s” own.. considering the fuck got nuts.
now back to living colors.. the villain is thriving. the heroine thou unable to conceal the undying reality no matter if she breathes the helium air of
inconsideration & isolation..Its now a snowball effect.. Soon, once seasoned well, unaware, the villain will uncover whats behind the heroine’s mask.. maybe he doesnt need to at all.. Soul too deep.. he’s almost at it! Lingering…
Color my life with the chaos of trouble.. poof!!!
I’ve practiced this for hours, gone round and round and now I think that I’ve got it all down. As I say it louder, I love how it sounds. Because I’m not taking the easy way out, not wrapping this in ribbons. Shouldn’t have to give a reason why. It came out like a river once I let it out, when I thought that I wouldn’t know how. Held onto it forever, just pushing it down, felt so good to let go of it now. Don’t be surprised when we hate this tomorrow. God knows we tried to find an easier way. You and I will be a tough act to follow, our favorite place we used to go, the warm embrace that no one knows. The loving look that’s left your eyes. If I could see the future and how this plays out. I bet it’s better than where we are now. But after going through this, it’s easier to see the reason why in time we’ll find this was no surprise..
I’ve been so active this week with this blog thing. It really feels good acting alone and talk to myself and argue and disagree with myself and piss myself and end up with nothing at all..
Finally after a week of logs.. the time has its taken its toll.. the road has ended and the pavement is empty. Its the end of the line…
Some call it verbal abuse..Rant …Despair… I have developed the sense of selfishness for myself.. sorry for those people who wasted their time reading my stupid notes.. I will gladly and leave WordPress with a few shots of wisdom.. maybe its time to find the a new home & read my own blogs for my own satisfaction, this time, for myself… Sorry for being selfish but this how it will turn out.. I dont want to open another can of worms for the sake of guilt…
Time will tell if the story of the antagonist will once again rise from the ashes..
Maraming salamat… sa mga comments salamat ulit..sa mga nagbasa.. salamat ulet..
its been a good 12 day run…. I hope I was able satisfy that one person who thrived and made the boldest decision to be deaf & selfish despite her lust for oblivion which revolves around the FEAR she nurtures and still won’t admit. itadakimasu..
Etivacenyo.. signing off..
It was a bit tiring not to get your act together. Too much work? Or not a single txt message to write & send to. Not online. Not even curious to blur an email. Why si this happening? Is there too much of work? Am I like not executing the right routine of my workout? Who did this to me. I’m starting to question evry bit of my being how am I able to deal with this. I did what I had to do and regret the facts. I wasn’t trying to prove something out of the ordinary. Maybe longing for bitter sweet relationship and vacant for over a year and 2 mos does the trick. Im stuck in this predicament.. Why bother to inject the poison I never intended to. Did I hurt someone? Or maybe its just my ego.. I guess not.. I believe love is tricky and this thing always pulls the rabbit out of the hat. I wish I never tried this in the first place.. Hurting and dismantling once thought is not my forte.. It was by a mere poke. I hope it didn’t hurt.. I am sorry.. Maybe I was just hurt..